Weight of Regret Read online

  “Make love to me.” It’s just a whisper against his lips, but the moment the words are out of my mouth, I know it’s the wrong thing to say. In the silence that follows, I’m starkly aware of the weather outside that has turned eerily calm.

  Anderson freezes, his entire body tensing, and then he pulls away faster than I can even blink. “I can’t do this.” He stands, pulls on his jeans, and begins to refasten his belt. “You should take the job, Hope.” Anderson turns toward the door.

  I can’t breathe, but somehow, I manage to think fast enough to leap out of bed and race across the room to plaster my body against the door, blocking his exit. “You’re pushing me away.” Emotion claws its way up my throat. “Why do you always push me away?”

  He shifts his gaze, turning his head with it in a blatant attempt to avoid facing the hurt that he’s caused. “You’re meant for so much more. More than this camp can ever provide you.” He faces me again, the hardness in his eyes revealing his unbreakable stance on the matter. “Take the opportunity. Take it while you can.”

  My chin quivers with each word. “And if I don’t?”

  His amber eyes flash a warning I can’t quite decipher. “Then you’re fired.”

  I take a step to the side at that biting remark and watch him open the door and step back into the night. Then I leave him with a final threat that I hope haunts him for the rest of his days.

  “You’re going to regret this, Anderson Bexley.”

  Chapter One

  Anderson

  The dock is rickety under my weight when I leave the boathouse—a stark reminder that I have loads of work left to do on the renovations I set out to tackle two years ago. After a generous donation from someone close to our family, everything I ever dreamed for this place began to come to fruition. But in my mad dash to expand and renovate every section of camp, it appears I overlooked the marina.

  Lanterns light a clear path for my exit, but I don’t head in that direction. Instead, I walk to the edge of the dock and stare out over the moonlit water. This is where I do my best breathing after a long day of work. Whether I’m tending to guests, training employees, drafting contracts for vendors, or filling in for missing staff, moments like these are cherished ones.

  It’s a perfect fall evening. Clear skies. Quiet night. Our last guests of the fall season left earlier today, which means staff gets the next month off to do as they please—three weeks longer than normal. But with camp renovations winding down, I want to get the place prepped and ready for new guests in the winter. Some staff will use the time to head home to their families, and others will take off for vacations. No one stays when camp is closed.

  I’ve been looking forward to this in-between time more than all the previous ones. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been running a million miles an hour over the past years to take my mind off more personal matters. Or maybe because I can finally dedicate the next month to the massive branding overhaul I’ve been working toward for the past two years.

  Come to find out, while drowning myself in my work has been helpful, it hasn’t taken away the emptiness I still feel when I think about all the people I’ve lost along the way to building the camp’s success.

  Like Hope.

  “Hey, stranger.”

  The unexpected voice causes me to swivel away from the water, my heart rate rocketing in my chest. The sight of a blonde with silver eyes and a familiar smile shocks me still.

  “Shit, Silver. I wasn’t expecting you.” I walk forward, swooping my sister up in my arms and squeezing her tight. “God, I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too, doofus.”

  She tousles my hair and pulls back with a tilted head. “Looks like my sisterly intuition kicked in at the right time. You look like shit, Bexley.”

  My groan leaves me before I can process my emotions, but it serves me right to be all up in my feels when Silver happens to stop by. She knows me better than anyone else in our family, probably because she’s more of an adoptive sort of sister. My family took her in when she was seventeen and needing a home. She was heaven-sent, coming to us at a time I think we all needed it, and she grew on us all—me, the most.

  When my brothers all took off to abandon the family camp, Silver stuck around, loyal to a fault. Well, until recent years had her altering her course. I couldn’t be happier for her. It’s been two years since she’s worked as our head camp nurse, but she still pops by on occasion.

  “I was just heading to get a drink. Want to join me?”

  Silver grins. “Absolutely. As long as I can have my old cabin.”

  “No can do. They’re all being refurnished this week, but I can put you up in something better.” I wink.

  She gasps and jumps a little. “The new site is all ready?”

  “It is,” I tell her.

  “I can’t wait to see it all.”

  I pause for a second, realizing something is off about Silver’s arrival. “Wait. Did you walk here from the parking lot?”

  She nods. “I drove.”

  My mouth falls open while my fingers press into my chest in mock horror. “Oh, my. No seaplane this time?”

  She rolls her eyes and nudges me from the side. “Hush. I happen to enjoy the drive and the ferry ride. Besides, I had to stop by Orcas Hospital to see one of my old mentors, so I made a day of it. With Kingston out of town, our house gets a little lonely.”

  A vague picture pops into my mind of Silver and her NFL star husband’s obscenely large home in Seattle. “I can imagine. Well, you picked the perfect time to visit. I could use your help with a few things.”

  She stuffs her hands into her pockets and shrugs. “Sure. Put me to work. You know I love getting my hands dirty.” She grins up at me.

  “All the major renovations are done. No dirty work needed besides a few tune-ups here and there.” I frown when I remember the creaky marina and mentally add that to my to-do list. “I’m talking more about marketing.” I wave my hand around, gesturing to the camp. “I built it, and now I need for them to come. Marketing is a beast I am far from comfortable with. I haven’t had to think about it much over the past year since we’ve always been booked out so far in advance, but now with the new adult site, I’m kind of feeling lost.”

  The silence that follows makes me dread saying anything to Silver. I can almost hear Hope’s name in her thoughts, considering they’re best friends and all.

  “Have you reached out to her?” Silver’s voice is quiet, gentle, and I hate that I’m the reason for her timidness.

  Bitterness rumbles in my chest. “I’m sure you know the answer to that.”

  “I do, but I figured I’d talk to you about it for once. You know, if you want to.”

  An image of Hope crosses my mind, but it’s not the image I’d grown to adore that I’m seeing now. This one is eerily like the sadness on her face when I told her I’d fire her if she didn’t take the job in Seattle. I pushed her away in the cruelest, coldest way possible, and now I’ve lost her forever.

  “You’re going to regret this, Anderson Bexley.”

  I still hear her final words. They’re a haunting whisper whenever I’m alone with my thoughts.

  “I don’t think we should go there,” I say quietly.

  “But it’s been a whole year. You two were so close, and you worked so well together. If anyone can help see you through this marketing stuff, it’s definitely her.”

  We take the path that leads toward the newer side of camp that Silver has yet to see completed. While I was excited to show her, all I can think about now is the woman who got away. “There is absolutely no way Hope will consider helping me after…” I shake my head. “Never mind. Can we drop it? I have something I want to show you.”

  I steer her down a newly lit path into a territory that used to be nothing but woods for miles. My brothers and I had ventured back into these woods when we were younger and had a heyday building forts, shooting BB guns, and running our bikes over the same hills so many times that we created trails.

  It was during those happy days that everything felt normal between us all, before life happened and reality tore our family apart.

  When I hear Silver gasp, I know she spots the surprise I had in store for her. “Anderson Bexley, you put in a restaurant?”

  I chuckle and tug her toward the swinging doors. “More like a little saloon. But yes, a restaurant. It’s like a real resort now. Complete with a glamping area filled with luxury tents, five-star cabins, and…” I wave my hand out. “Tada! A bar.”

  Her gray eyes are so wide and unbelieving, it hits me straight in the chest. “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me. This is everything you and your brothers dreamed of back in the day.” She wraps her arms around me. “You did it.”

  I feel a hollow ping. The fact that I did it without the help of my brothers is a gloomy thought that I wish I could douse along with the reminder that I’d lost Hope. It’s all one dart in the chest after the other.

  “So, what’ll it be?” I walk around the curved bar and grin. “Are we getting a little drunk tonight?” I hold up a bottle of wine. “Or a lotta drunk?” I hold up a bottle of Jack Daniels.

  Silver tosses her head back and laughs. “I think Jack will take care of us tonight.” She sits on a stool across from me and slaps her palms on the counter. “I’m so proud of you, Anderson. Please tell me the guys know about all the work you’ve put in.”

  While Silver is the most supportive member of my family, she’s too sweet and innocent for the truth at times. “You know the deal. Jamison’s caught up in the corporate life in Seattle, Benson’s traveling the world and crashing on couches for a living, and Cayson’s got it made in the Air Force. This place isn’t their dream anymore. They couldn’t care less.”


  Silver’s mouth forms a pout. “It all just feels so wrong. Surely, they miss this place. I didn’t even grow up here the way you boys did, and I miss it every day.”

  I pour out a shot of whiskey over ice, top it off with some club soda, and slide the tumbler to her. “Yeah, well, we sheltered you from a lot. When you showed up, I think we all wanted to heal, so we tried.”

  Silver nods. “You boys put on a good show, I guess. And I was too caught up in my own baggage to realize things were so off.”

  I sigh. “Yeah, well, you were here when things changed faster than any of us were ready for. In the blink of an eye, it felt like I lost everyone.” I smile at the ray of light shining right in front of me. “Except for you. You stayed. You saved me, Silver.”

  She places her hand on mine. “And you saved me. What you all did for me back then is something I’ll never be able to repay.”

  I raise my brows, telling her precisely how wrong she is. “You repaid us plenty. But now, the success of this place is on my shoulders, and it’s beginning to weigh me down. I need your help.” I give her all the irresistible charm I can muster with a batting of my lashes and a pouty mouth. “Please help me figure out what the fuck I need to do next to get an entirely new type of customer to vacation here.”

  Silver’s soft smile is the most genuine thing I’ve ever seen in my life. “You know I’d do anything for you. I still think you should call Hope, but if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, I have another idea. You’ll just have to trust me.”

  I raise my arms as another glimmer of light dances in my chest. “You have all my trust. Tell me what I need to do.”

  Chapter Two

  Hope

  The tips of my almond-shaped nails tap away at my keyboard like my world is up in flames. Urgency. That’s the name of the advertising agency that has employed me for the last year, and it’s also the fire they’ve conditioned me to have. It’s how I’m to treat every single situation, important or not.

  An email pings, and I answer it immediately.

  A request for proposal comes in, and I read it before any other agent in the city can get to it.

  A client calls, and I drop everything to speak with them.

  It’s one fire after the next, and I’m the one in charge of putting them out. By the time I get home, my mind is still reeling. So much so that sometimes it feels like I swallowed a ticking clock that never stops, but I know that’s just the nature of working for Dexter Van Clark, owner and COO of Urgency Marketing Services. His business dealings are as posh as his name, which is why I was certain that he would fire me as soon as he realized I was the complete opposite.

  “Miss Davies,” an authoritative voice chimes over my phone intercom. “Please stop by my office. We have a new proposal to discuss.”

  My pulse quickens as I gather my notebook and pen while pressing down on the intercom button to respond. “I’ll be right there Dex… er… Mr. Van Clark.”

  I pull my hand away like I’ve been burned and squeeze my lids closed. Shit. Why is he always so serious? When I walked into this place last year, I was my old bubbly self, always trying to make someone laugh or smile. All that began to slip away as I learned how to play the corporate game, and Mr. Van Clark was the perfect mentor. He was also as intimidating as hell, with his quizzical gaze, challenging rise of his brows, and a professional demeanor that is well beyond his years. Before meeting him, I never would have guessed he was in his late twenties.

  I make the short walk down the hall to the corner office. The shades that face the hallway are drawn, but his door is cracked a smidge, so I push it open and enter the naturally lit room. The office is an immaculate masterpiece, with one full window wall that overlooks Bell Street in downtown Seattle, a white leather couch, minimal decorations, and a desk that looks like it came straight from the seventies.

  I’ve never understood the obsession with modern furniture. To me, it gives off nothing but cold and uncomfortable vibes. Or maybe that’s because I spent three years living in a cozy cabin and learned that there was a whole lot more to life than having the latest designer trends.

  The door clicks shut behind me, but Mr. Van Clark doesn’t acknowledge my existence by looking up from whatever he’s typing on the computer. His concentrated gaze remains as cold as the air blowing through the AC unit.

  The young, devastatingly handsome entrepreneur has made a name for himself in Seattle as his competition’s top rival. His passion for being the best is as addictive as it is intimidating. His rigid jawline, sharp cut of his cheekbones, and perfectly set dark hair make one question whether they should love him or hate him. I, for one, wish I could hate him.

  This is normally the drill. I enter, I sit, I wait. Eventually, the swanky socialite will pull his head out of his ass to give me the time of day. But today, I’m in a mood—a foul mood, thanks to an account that slipped right out of my fingers and landed in the arms of Mallory Shuman.

  Mallory is the other project manager on board with qualifications that trump mine any day of the week. She’s been out for blood since the moment I stepped foot in the office, yet Dexter does nothing to stop her blatant viciousness. He expects me to fight back in the form of better presentations, bigger profit margins, and more positive reviews from our clients.

  My heels tap across the porcelain floor until I reach his desk and realize that he’s not ignoring me. He’s simply deeply focused on whatever is on his screen. Still, I’ve learned that in order to be seen at Urgency, I must demand it.

  I clear my throat, causing my boss’s head to snap up, his eyes clear with surprise at my interruption. Interruptions aren’t my style, and neither is the raised brow on my forehead, pinned there just for him. But can he really be upset when he’s the one who demanded my presence?

  Instinct prompts me to straighten my shoulders. “You needed to see me, Mr. Van Clark?”

  He lifts his fingers from the keyboard and leans back in his chair while assessing me with narrowed lids. “I certainly did, Miss Davies.” His inappropriate gaze drifts between my yellow blazer, down to my knee-high pencil skirt, only stopping there because the edge of his desk is blocking his view. “You’re impatient today.”

  “Just busy,” I snap.

  Steel-gray eyes flick back to mine. “Well, then. Have a seat, and we’ll get started right away. Because in my opinion, you aren’t busy enough.”

  My mouth falls open, and my chest heats. How dare he speak to me like that when he knows damn well that I put in a generous number of extra hours, no matter what the situation. “Mr. Van—”

  His palm shoots out, stopping me from going any further. “You wanted to get started, so let’s do just that. I’ll make this quick. There’s a marketing project that I’ll need you to head with a new client who is in desperate need of our expertise for their grand reopening. You’ll be on-site for two weeks, then you’ll remain their lead contact back here at the office. While you’re there, they’ll provide your lodging, your meals, and your transportation if needed. It’s not the Ritz, not in the least,” he mumbles, “but there’s potential, and I believe you’re the right woman for the job. Any questions?”

  My head is spinning at the news he unleashed. Did I hear him correctly? He wants to give me my own project, just like that? “I’m sorry, I think I might be misunderstanding. What about Mallory?” Even when projects do become mine, she usually always supervises my every move.

  “Unfortunately, this is a smaller budget project than we’re used to. I can only send one of you. Since you were requested by the client, it’s got to be you.”

  “I was requested? By who?”

  “By an ex-coworker of yours. A Miss Silver Livingston.”

  I should have known my best friend would use her powers to call in favors for me. She knows how hard I’ve been working to land my first solo contract. Whatever the reason, I’m grateful. I finally get an opportunity to prove myself without Mallory casting a shadow over all of my hard work.

  “The project is yours, Miss Davies.” He tilts his head. “Unless you aren’t up for the task.”